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Chapter Three
A Little Out of Balance
(Character Symmetry)

What in the world is character symmetry? Let's focus on just the word symmetry. What does symmetry mean? It means this: "Balanced proportions; also: beauty of form arising from balanced proportions". So then, character symmetry would mean having a character that is balanced. It's as simple as that!

Have you ever heard the expression used where it was said a person was, "a little out of balance"? Being a little out of balance is not a good thing. An employer would not say, "Hmm, that person is a little bit out of balance, I think I will hire him." A person in search of mate would not say, "I have found a person who is a little out of balance. I think I will marry that person." When we vote, we would not say, "I have found the right candidate because he seems to be a little out of balance." When it comes to character, it is important not to be a little out of balance.

If you are an actor; if you are an artist; if you are an entertainer; or if you are a rock & roll musician, there is a good chance your adoring public does not care if you are a little out of balance or not.

However, if you are politician; if you are an employer; if you are a teacher; if you are a leader in the community; a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a husband, a wife; or someone's best friend, there is a good chance we prefer you are not a little out of balance.

The fundamental question to ask is not whether we are little out of balance, but rather, "what areas are we a little out of balance?" If you are making new friends, choosing a marriage partner, or in anyway involved in assessing your relationship to some other person, having the tools handy to help you discover the area they are a little out of balance are of tremendous value. It is wise and helpful to know about the character of other people before you make a lifetime commitment to them.  Anything short of that can lead to disaster.

What does this mean? It is when one assaults another's character in order to destroy that person. Whether the accusations are true or false, this can ruin a person's reputation for life. Many potential candidates for public office have refused to run because of their fear of this. Perhaps the very same ones are aware of areas of their life where they have been a little out of balance. Perhaps they fear being exposed!

The fear of being exposed can enter into all of our relationships. At times, we may hunt for a close friend to trust for years before we find one. We look until we find one that we believe will not betray us. If we are lucky enough, we find such a friend. We look for a friend who will be a loyal friend. If we reveal to them the areas of our life where we have been a little out of balance, we do not want them to expose us, judge us, or condemn us.

What is the goal of a true intimate friendship? It is to establish trust and acceptance. It is to establish the mutual up-building of each other's character. It is to help each other become all that you can become. It is when there are no fears of being exposed or rejected if we reveal to them our flaws. We want to know that our true friends will not expose our weaknesses to harm us, ridicule us, judge us, or embarrass us. If we confide in them areas where we were a little out of balance, we desire confidentiality and trust.

Intimacy is the removal of walls and barriers
that separate us from being close to each other.

Most people have a keen sense for whether they are a little out of balance or not. Yet few could actually put it into words. Few could actually tell you specifically in what ways they are a little out of balance. Moreover, we tend to show people our best face. We do not like other people to know what our character flaws are. We do not like revealing our flaws to others unless we are sure they can be trusted.

Have you ever had an encounter with some person only to find out they could not be trusted at all? Perhaps it was a small issue. Perhaps it was a very large issue. Perhaps you confided in them about yourself or your own problems, and they betrayed that trust you placed in them.